tarchain
2 weeks ago on May 09, 2012 at 05:20pm
Evil is stupid; when the heart is corrupted, the head is unsound.
2 weeks ago on May 08, 2012 at 09:02pm
tales from inside
I don’t know why
But
My lungs protest
To breathe
My heart protests
To beat
My stomach protests
To eat
I just want to fall asleep
I dont know why
But
My arms protest
To drive
And
If I don’t leave my car
I’ll die in the heat
There’s not a place to
Drive to
Nor do I have the drive
To leave
Rotting in my front seat
My mouth protests
To speak
And my eyes are glued open
And my mouth is glued shut
And my collar bone is burned
By the sun
I blister and my skin
Refuses to sweat
2 months ago on March 26, 2012 at 06:18pm
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I’m not sad all of the time… I promise!
2 months ago on March 06, 2012 at 04:31pm
I feel entirely alone
I can’t tell if this is worse
Or better than last week.
I feel no urges and no stimuli
I am so hurt by dirty laundry
today or tomorrow
I can’t seem to clean up my life
2 months ago on March 06, 2012 at 04:10am
And and and
I’m lonely And
there’s no one to talk to.
Its not the only reason
But it’s one
and
The others are too hard to look at
And
My stomach’s skilled at sailors knots
3 months ago on February 19, 2012 at 10:21pm
Opiates
Today in Creative Nonfiction, we talked about pain receptors in the brain. Physical pain can be dulled by opiates such as morphine and dilauded. We talked about our own experience with these painkillers… Jack said that the opiate tricks the brain into not caring that the body is in physical pain. He pointed out that the existence is dull and somber.
Today I feel the effects of painkillers in my brain. I feel dull and disconnected from the world. I feel uncaring about what happens to me and my surroundings. I feel somewhat destructive, yet worthless.
But I receive so much love and care from people who are so important to me, that I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I just wonder, if my heart is moldy are there toxins in my brain?
3 months ago on February 14, 2012 at 04:01am
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Don’t make me sad. Don’t make me cry.
3 months ago on February 14, 2012 at 01:00am
susi
What I’m feeling right now is the terrible mixture of just having eaten a too large serving of cheesy broccoli and the lack of motivation to get up from the table.
I don’t know why it hits me like this, but it comes in waves. I feel like a useless fuck, that its not worth it to try my hardest, ect. ect. because my hardest doesn’t make me happy and i don’t know what will.
shut up. get over it.
i don’t care, i just have to throw away this cheesy broccoli before it strangles me.
3 months ago on February 14, 2012 at 12:10am
reminder: watch while high ›
3 months ago on February 13, 2012 at 07:07pm
Tumblr reflected in my glasses.
i’m angry at myself right now. For everything. The theme in my life now “the more I wait to clean up a mess, the more terrible and ominous the mess becomes”
like my clothes, laundry… now kitchen, dishes, trash. its not just cleanliness but my inner mess is exasperated as well… or even exacerbated…
i’m just upset that i can’t keep it straight
that i try and fail
that i have feelings that are wrong and logic that is right
i missed the deadline for chapman radio. i emailed alex and it will most likely be okay for me to join in with a late application. most likely. if not… i am just so angry at myself. i never got a single email that said chapman radio was starting up again and i just assumed that i would see fb posts by jennifer or something telling me to go to meetings, but i never actively looked for when spring would start.
and now its started without me all because of my silly passivity.
i can’t sleep even though i have class in 6 hours, i’ve done half my hw, i’m messing up by not scheduling or caring or something.
and i’m sad. i’m sad about the house i live in and all that i’ve been through and i’m sad that a stupid man child would insult the home that i grew up in so much by punching holes in it. that is my house. that is my life you’re punching holes in, asshole.
yeah… i try not to care when stupid stuff happens at home. i shrug it off. i’m in cali. but the images in my mind are prominent, and if ignored they become nightmarish and tears that are never let out become something foul. like water that sits on wood for a long time becomes mold… that mold is not a good bacteria and can be bad and harmful to humans… that if tears stay inside of me a mold will grow in my heart and i’ll get sick and spread my sickness on to others. i’ll become harmful and volatile and my heart will be moldy and my soul will wilt without sunshine.
sometimes i need to cry, but right now the tears are just lining my eyelids. i’m wondering how far the mold has gone on its growth.
3 months ago on February 13, 2012 at 05:24am
i’m still debating how i feel about this.
but i really like his voice and beard. :)
3 months ago on February 12, 2012 at 02:23am
The Bodyguard
I saw so many tweets that Whitney Houston’s “The Bodyguard” was a great movie “why don’t they write scripts like that anymore.”
So I took that seriously and was about to rent it from itunes… good thing I didn’t.
3 months ago on February 12, 2012 at 01:15am
